America's litigious nature personified...

Meet Jonathan Lee Riches© (seriously, he puts the copyright symbol after his name). Mr. Riches is currently in federal prison after pleading guilty to wire fraud charges. Mr. Riches is also either incredibly bored or completely nuts, as he has filed hundreds (some think even thousands) of lawsuits against various people, corporate entities, laws, and even phone numbers. Some of his defendants include politicians (i.e. George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton), actors (i.e. Reese Witherspoon, Ben Affleck, and Tom Cruise), music artists (i.e. Timbaland, Beyonce Knowles, and Paul McCartney), governments no longer in existence (i.e. Adolf Hitler's National Socialist Party and Ming Dynasty), and phone numbers (202-456-1414 and 843-387-9400 - please note that the second phone number is listed as a contact for Mr. Riches on the lawsuit against the first phone number).

When the Guinness Book of World Records wanted to name him as the World's Most Litigious Person, he sued them, too.

All of these lawsuits are handwritten and, as far as we have found, have either been dismissed by a judge or tossed altogether because he didn't pay the proper filing fees. One judge is apparently so fed up with his lawsuits that in his dismissal, he stated, "Plaintiff's complaint is hereby DISMISSED without prejudice. IT IS FURTHER ORDERED that Plaintiff is henceforth PERMANENTLY ENJOINED from filing any further complaints in this Court except as set forth in this Order. Plaintiff is henceforth PERMANENTLY ENJOINED from filing or attempting to file any new lawsuit in this Court without first obtaining leave of the Court to do so." He has not since filed a lawsuit in the Georgia Northern District Court. He has, however, filed four more lawsuits in other courts.

And just to get it out of the way, Don't Poke the Crazy has no comment on any future lawsuit against them by Jonathan Lee Riches© for being included on this blog.

The Lizard People!!!11!!!1!!

You've heard the conspiracy theories. Big corporations run the world. The media controls what we think. The Jews control... well... everything.* But according to David Icke, there's a secret that all these groups are hiding.

All the people in power are reptilian humanoids.


May or may not be an accurate representation of the lizard people.

That's right. All the world leaders, as well as all the heads of banks and the media, are shape-shifting lizard people.

David Icke, former football player for Coventry City and Hereford United, has devoted his life to book signings and speaking tours in order to warn the people about the impending dangers from these nefarious creatures. According to Icke, famous figures such as George (H.W. and W.) Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, and Kris Kristopherson are all descended from shape-shifting reptiles that landed on Earth eons ago. So far, Obama's been determined to not be a lizard person, but merely a "puppet of the Cabal", and his "Science Czar" is apparently trying to sterilize everyone.

How does he know all this? Well, at a press conference in 1991, he stated "I am a channel for the Christ Spirit. The title was given to me very recently by the Godhead." So obviously, he knows what he's talking about, right? Right???

Jon Ronson of Britain's Channel 4 did a great bit on him called "David Icke, the Lizards, and the Jews", although after somehow forcing myself to sit through the whole thing, I've gotta say that I think Mr. Ronson focused a little too much on the Jew connection. I think it's pretty clear that when David Icke says that 12-foot shape-shifting lizard people rule the world, he really means that 12-foot shape-shifting lizard people rule the world.

Some people say that he's a con-man, or that he's anti-semitic, but really. Watch the video. He's really that nuts.

*Disclaimer: We here at Don't Poke the Crazy do not subscribe to any of these theories. Quite frankly, we doubt that any group is organized or agreeable enough to actually rule the world. Lizard people included. Although we sincerely hope that they do exist, because that would be awesome.