Zodiac Killer? Not Hardly.

My sister posted this article on my Facebook wall the other day because she knows that I'm a very proud Taurus and have no regrets whatsoever about the Taurus tattoo that I got for my 20th birthday.

Because, let's face it, this tat rocks!

I read the article, laughed at the hype, and learned a bit more about the stars.  I figured that this would blow over pretty quickly and didn't think anything else of it.

But now it's everywhere - on every news site, on every radio, on tons of new Facebook groups - and I felt the need to say something:  "Calm the fuck down!!"

Seriously, if any of these idiots had taken 5 seconds for a quick Google or to look up a Wikipedia article, there wouldn't be any of this ridiculous "panic" I keep reading about.  The fact that these people are missing is that there's not one single zodiac calendar; many cultures have their own.  The traditional Western zodiac calendar is the Tropical zodiac calendar.  What's really interesting is that Ophiuchus, the sign that's causing all the fuss, is not a new sign at all, but has just been largely ignored in modern astrology.  Ophiuchus is a sign that is recognized in a variation of the Sidereal zodiac calendar, and even that's not unanimously agreed upon; most Sidereal astrologers use a 12-sign calendar.

I'm not sure how this recent hullabaloo got started, but here's where it ends in my world:  I'm a Taurus.  My stubbornness on this issue should be a perfect indicator of that.

Customer Service Fail: Comcast Edition

Customer service for any business is crucial.  Unfortunately, a lot of companies have forgotten that lately.  I'm not going to say that the customer is always right because, well, they're not.  However, if you're running a business, you should at least do what you can (within reason) to make sure that your customer doesn't hate you.

I was tipped off to this one regarding a Comcast customer.  He's been going around and around lately with their customer service/tech support about several hi-def channels that he's paid for but is not receiving.  However, this last rep takes the proverbial cake.  You can read the whole story here, but I also nabbed the screen shots for you.  Check out this nonsense (click the image to see full-size):

"If I cannot help you, no one will!! MWAH HA HA HA HA!!!"

In other words, "Jose" got pissed when the dude asked him to escalate the issue and basically just "hung up" on him.  Really, Jose?  Really??  If you don't know your shit, and it sounds like you don't, pass it on to someone else.  Escalate it to a manager.  Don't get huffy with the customer when he is simply relaying what he's been told in the past and asks to speak to a supervisor.  Now, according to the website he put up, he's not only escalating this with customer retention, but several people who work at Comcast have seen this site and will be investigating the matter personally.  Congrats, Jose!  You may have not only lost your company a customer, but perhaps your own job as well.

Why The Bastard should probably stop playing online multi-player games

So The Bastard is only working part-time right now, so between looking for a 2nd job and his insomnia, he's got a lot of free time on his hands.  To fill this time, when he's not dismantling and reassembling the computers, he plays online multi-player games.  This would not be a problem, except that The Bastard seems to have a certain magnetism for crazy, especially when it comes to the female variety.

At first, I thought it was just "IRL", as the kids say.  For example, when we were in high school, he dated a girl who was so possessive, I once offered to get him a crowbar for Christmas so that he might have a chance to loosen her vice-grip on him.  However, as he discovered the world of online gaming, it appears that it's not just his charming good looks that attracts female bizarreness.

On one text-based game, he had one woman cyber-stalking him and posting all kinds of crazy weirdness in an attempt to sabotage his in-game reputation and relationships.  This went on for months until he finally left the game altogether, although for unrelated reasons.  The only provocation that we could figure is that he was also a moderator for the forums and once had to get onto her for breaking the rules.

There have also been other misunderstandings where "being a nice guy" has been interpreted as "wanting to be in an actual relationship" and the other (read: crazy) party has gotten butthurt in the end.  However, the most recent tops the cake.  Lately, The Bastard has been playing a World of Warcraft style game: fantasy role-playing, real-time play with quests and guilds, as well as the ability to have voice chat with other players.  This game has in-game relationships that give you certain "buffs", depending on what type of relationship you're in and the stats of the other player.  I think.  I haven't actually played it, so I think I've got that right.

Anyway, he "got married" in the game to one of the other guild members.  He considered her a friend and, as he's married and she was in a committed relationship, The Bastard assumed that there was an understanding that this "relationship" was solely for their mutual benefit in the game.  However, he got online the other day and found that she had "unfriended" him, left his guild, blocked him on chat, and sent him a ranting PM, basically saying that he hasn't been spending enough time with her, and that she doesn't deserve to be treated this way.

She was pissed that her fake husband wasn't spending enough fake quality time with her because he was too busy going on fake missions with fake elves, fake mages, and other such fake characters.

I asked him if there was any way that anything he's said could be construed as wanting more, and he said they'd make jokes about spousal abuse when one of them beat the other in a sparring match or whatever in the game, but couldn't think of anything other than that.  I asked him what he was going to do about it, and he said that he was just going to keep his mouth shut and pretend that nothing happened.

He's apparently learned nothing from real life.

Oh, Springs131...hOw we'VE mISsEd yOU!!!11!1!!!!

Big props to loomatic from the Rubberneckers group on Ravelry for finding this little gem!  For those of you who are not familiar with Springs131, she is the restaurant customer from Hell.  I pity the poor abused servers that end up with this nightmare at their table!  If you're not familiar with the screen name, you may also know her by "The rAnCh DrEsSiNg lady" as she is famous for her crazy, excessively punctuated, randomly bolded, erratically italicized, nonsensically capitalized ranch dressing rants.

In case you've missed out on all the fun check out this link, and this one, too.

The Bastard's Job Odyssey

The Bastard is finally employed again!  WOO HOO!!  It's been awhile and I know he's been going stir crazy.  I also know that he's going to be working for a special brand of crazy...

This all started when he got a call from JB, telling him that a spot opened up in another department where he works, looking for general IT and server upkeep.  So of course, The Bastard instantly put his name in the hat.  This is exactly the kind of work that he wants to do for a living, so we were totally excited!

Then came the bad news.  He'll only be working part-time, and his bosses are a collection of intellectual prima-donnas.  None of his predecessors in this position have lasted six months because the couldn't deal with the crazy.

So while I'm completely excited that he's working again, and in a field that he loves, I'm a little worried about the longevity of this job.  However, I do still hold some hope.  After all, The Bastard is still a crazy magnet, so he's had lots of practice with this sort of thing!

Um, actually, no... you are not Anonymous...

When the Tea Party movement first came about, I have to admit I was intrigued. The original selling point was that it was comprised of ordinary Americans who were sick and tired of the bailouts, the rising national debt, and the ever-increasing whispers of rising taxes. Who wouldn't be all for that? Unfortunately, that sort of thing also attracts the crazies. So, I've been sitting back and watching the show, hoping that maybe someone will get them back on track or possibly start a less haphazard (and less crazy-attracting) movement with those original principles. It's not looking good. Here is why:

Just about anyone who has been on the web for more than 5 seconds has heard of 4chan. Many who have heard of 4chan have heard of Anonymous, the unknown band of 4chan participants that is known for both their lovable online and IRL antics that they do "for the lulz". Quite frankly it's impressive. However, there is one clear rule of the internet: Do not fuck with Anonymous. It will not end well for you.

I found this on Failbook:


see more Failbook

Yeah... "uh oh" is right! See, this is the type of crazy I'm talking about. Did they just see this quote somewhere and think, "Hey, that sounds cool! Let's use it without researching the origins!" Never, EVER, use a quote without researching the origins! Of course, when I saw the Failbook entry, I had to dig deeper. I found several articles and blogs about it, but Daily Kos actually has screen shots.

How did I not hear about this sooner? The short answer, lately I fail at the interwebz.

In any case, the Facebook page has been removed and access to their Ning page has apparently been changed to members-only. This is why I took the wait-and-see approach with the Tea Party. Never jump on bandwagons, kids. While it may look all pretty and shiny at first, most of the time it's full of crazy.

And above all, never fuck with Anonymous.

Welcome To A Whole New Era of Middle School Bullying

These are the names that are growing the fastest in popularity? Really?? Apparently these parents have never set foot in a middle school, let alone attended one. Why would anyone curse their child with the name "Sookie", especially after the TrueBlood series? How many boys do you think are going to try to get in her pants by crooning "Sookeeehhhhh" like Bill Compton when she gets into high school? And did I miss some famous "Castiel" or something? Because I've never even heard of that one. (edit: I've just been informed it's from Supernatural)

I have a friend who is Indian and was toying with choosing a Hindi name for her first born. Knowing this child would eventually be going to an American public school, she asked me and several others for opinions on names, specifically from a middle school mindset. Long story short, she went with Sophie.

Acceptable from my perspective:
Girls - Martina, Charlotte (I actually really like this one), Lorelai
Boys - Lucian (if he goes by Luke), Mikah (if you spell it with a C), Sterling (only because I went to high school with one and he was pretty normal)

Totally and completely unacceptable (again, from my perspective):
Girls - Sookie, Ursula (ever since the Disney version of The Little Mermaid came out), anything beginning with Ever, especially the name "Ever"
Boys - Bentley (your kid is not a car), Dashiell (looks WAY too close to Danielle to escape taunting), Zion (really?)

I would apologize for offending anyone who named their speshul snoflayke one of the names I made fun of, but I'm really not sorry at all. Please, parents, before you name your kid, THINK OF THE CHILDRENZZZZ!!!11!!!!!1!!ELEVENTY!!!!

Christian Bale & Mel Gibson Phone Fight

A Ghost Named Bob

Okay, so our ghost wasn't really named Bob. Or maybe he was, who knows. We never actually found out, although not for lack of trying. My Google-fu returned no results and the people in the leasing office gave me nothing more helpful than, "Ummm... I've only worked here for, like, four months? So... I have no idea if anyone died in your apartment." However, for the sake of my little tale here, we will call him Bob.

We were not aware of Bob's presence at first. We knew something was going on, but while The Bastard and I both have always believed in ghosts, we never thought we might actually be living with one. Weird things would happen, though, and there were strange noises - but only after about 11pm. There were thuds that sounded like footsteps in the bedroom on the 2nd floor of our townhouse apartment. There were noises that would come from the stairwell. The TV would randomly change volume or channels, and sometimes turn off altogether when the remote was out of reach. We attributed all of this to old construction and faulty wiring. At first.

And then we got Hobbes, our little black rescue kitten. He was a scrawny, skittish thing I found outside work about 2 months after we moved in. After some coaxing from me and a pitiful, yellow-eyed sad face from the kitten, The Bastard agreed we could keep him.

Hobbes was about 3 months old when we finally acknowledged Bob. One night, I was sleeping upstairs while The Bastard was downstairs on the computer, losing that night's fight with insomnia. Suddenly, I was startled out of my peaceful slumber by the most horrifying, screeching yowl I have ever heard before or since, followed by "What the fuck...?" My eyes popped open to see Hobbes perched on the ledge overlooking the stairwell, hissing and yowling with fur raised and back arched, along with The Bastard, who was standing at the top of the stairs looking down them, trying to figure out what the hell had freaked out the cat. I start yelling, trying to figure out what the commotion was. Then The Bastard tells me.

He was sitting at the computer when out of the corner of his eye, he saw the decorative vines on the wall begin to move. As these vines were located by the stairs, he thought I was awake and had come down for something. As he was climbing the stairs to check on me, Hobbes flew past him, jumped on the ledge, and proceeded to screech at the stairwell. Knowing that animals are especially keen to the paranormal, we looked at each other and finally acknowledged that we had a ghost.

We didn't tell anyone this for awhile. We thought it sounded... well... crazy! But we started adding up the weirdness and realized that everything always happened at night, after 11pm. We also noticed that the thudding sounded suspiciously like someone walking across the bedroom, pausing at the top of the stairs, and then proceeding to fall down them, ending with a thud on the landing. Bob was falling down the stairs every night.

Bob didn't seem to be malicious, but we needed a way to calm him down, especially after we got a 2nd cat who was equally freaked by the stairs after 11pm. We had 2 cats that felt trapped on one floor or the other at night unless we walked with them up or down the stairs! After the Google-fu failed to turn up Bob's origins, I turned it on the hunt for how to calm a ghost. We didn't want to banish him - like I said, he wasn't malicious. Besides, we've seen way too many horror movies for that! I found a few articles that suggested religious icons can sometimes calm a ghost, so we turned to Nurse Mommy on the off chance that maybe Bob was Catholic. Not that Nurse Mommy is, but we knew for a fact that she had a blessed-by-a-priest St. Joseph statue that she swore helped her sell their previous house when she buried it upside-down in the backyard. We put him in the corner next to the top of the stairs. Apparently Bob was intrigued, because he was quiet for a few nights, but then he was right back to his shenanigans.

I considered doing a cleansing ritual with burning sage, but The Bastard nixed that idea. Apparently, burning sage smelled like burning weed, and as we weren't in a great part of town, he didn't want the cops raiding us.

One night, while we were in the living room downstairs, The Bastard said, "Well, it's dark upstairs... maybe he's falling down because he can't see...?" We shrugged and he turned on a lamp... whose bulb immediately blew. We spent the remainder of that night at IHOP.

Finally, after a couple of months of trying various methods (and rejecting some of the more ridiculous ideas that Google found for me), I tried talking to him. Yes, talking to him. According to teh interwebz, merely acknowledging the ghost directly can have a calming effect. So, after work every day, I would stop at the bottom of the stairs and talk to Bob. And by "talk to Bob" I mean talk to the empty stairwell. I would say things like, "Hi!" and "I can't see you, but I know you're there and want you to know that you are welcome to stay" and "Could you please stop messing with the TV? Thanks!"

And you know what? It fucking worked. Bob calmed down, and most nights, we never heard him at all. However, if we forgot, he'd remind us of his presence by launching himself down the stairs as hard as possible. So I continued this routine until the day we moved out. For the record, we didn't leave because of Bob. We left because the leasing office was full of douchebags. No interesting story there, unfortunately, just incompetent douchebags.

So that's the saga of Bob. Now we're living in another state with our two cats. Hobbes is still a bit skittish but no longer scrawny. In fact, he could probably stand to lose a pound or two. And we have not encountered another ghost. I sometimes wonder what the tenants after us thought of Bob. I hope he finds peace with the people who live there now. Or at least, I hope they watch TV shows he likes, because apparently we didn't.

An Apartment Story (or Why The Bastard And I Have Horrible Luck With Neighbors)

This will probably be the longest post I will ever write on this blog. Maybe I should write more so all this won't be pent up to the point were it comes shooting out in the form of keyboard diarrhea.

The Bastard and I have lived in quite a few humble abodes. When we first moved in together, we were renting a shitty little apartment that had a leaky ceiling in the bathroom because our upstairs neighbor didn't believe in shower curtains. Our neighbors across the hall had already filed bankruptcy before they'd reached the legal drinking age and the guy next to them was the worst pot dealer that ever lived. At least, he claimed to deal, but I think he just smoked his entire inventory at wholesale prices.

After that, we both moved in with our respective parents for time, only his parents were 1000 miles away in another state. I joined him out there about a year later and we rented this delightfully petite townhouse in Houston. At least, we thought it was delightfully petite at first. We soon found out that it was just fucking small and difficult to furnish. It also had a ghost that would fall down the stairs around 11:30 every night, turn off our TV randomly after that time, and scare the hell out of the cats. One time the bastard said, "Hmmm, maybe he's falling down the stairs because he can't see!" We shrugged and decided it wasn't the dumbest theory either of us had come up with. So, the Bastard turned on a lamp, whose light bulb promptly blew. We spent the night at IHOP. Shortly thereafter, I ended up talking to empty stairs every day when I got home from work just to get him to shut the hell up. If I forgot, he'd come back with a fucking vengeance that night.

Our next apartment was across the street in a better-managed complex. At least, it was until after the first time we renewed our lease. We were on the top floor of a 2-story building, so we no longer worried about neighbors above us. However, the apartment below us had to have been cursed. Every person who moved in there by themselves either moved in or got evicted within 3 months. Every couple that moved in there would scream at each other like banshees and eventually be evicted for causing the cops to come out there too many times. We also had a neighbor that came to one of our parties one time, then wouldn't leave us alone for weeks after that. I understand the guy was lonely, but knocking on our door 10 times a day is a little excessive. He also had an on-again-off-again marriage with a woman half his size that would beat the shit out of him. Guys, as much as violence against women disgusts me, if a woman is actively trying to claw your face off, as in drawing blood to the point where you may need stitches, it's ok to restrain her. Really. It is.

After this, we stayed with the Bastard's parents for awhile, who had since moved back to our home state. While this wasn't the ideal living situation, the Bastard's parents are awesome. I totally lucked out in the in-law department. But two people and two cats can only live in a 12' x 12' for so long without going batty, so as soon as we were out of the massive pile of debt we'd buried ourselves under, we got the apartment we're living in now.

At first, it seemed great. Then, after a couple weeks, we realized that our neighbors across the hall were getting a LOT of visitors. At night. And they would only stay for a few minutes. They also mostly looked like one of these variations:


Can you guess what they were selling? At least they weren't cooking it - the weather seals around the doors and windows of this building aren't good enough to keep out that kind of smell.

Apparently we weren't the only ones who caught on to their stupidity. They lasted for about 3 months until they got arrested, their car was impounded, and they were kicked out of their apartment. We got to watch the maintenance guys dump all their stuff in the parking lot. They had some great over-stuffed leather furniture. Unfortunately, according the maintenance guys, it all smelled like a combination of cigarettes, pot, and meth so it all went to the dump.

The two apartments below us were empty when we first got there. Shortly before Dumb and Dumber across the hall were evicted, some 20-something guys moved in below us. They looked like frat boys. They were nice guys and all, but slaughtering Metallica on your Rock Band game at 11:30 on a Tuesday night is so not cool. I had to have the Bastard handle that one since I'm not exactly reasonable to deal with when woken up by such defamation shortly after drifting off.

They left less than a year later. Their replacement, a middle-aged guy, and the new tenants in the apartment below them got along a little too well. They would stand outside the bottom-floor apartment with some other neighbors letting small children run wild and laughing their asses off at each other at all times of night. Again, I let the Bastard deal with them as we really don't have the money to bail my ass out of jail, let alone multiple times.

Both of them have moved out recently. Hopefully, these new tenants (who were hanging pictures this morning... loudly...) will be better. But I'm not getting my hopes up. The Bastard's schooling that he starts this fall better pay off because I really need a house!

Don't POKE the crazy - take a picture of it!

Hmmm... what should I wear today... hey! This shirt looks appropriate to wear in public where it may be seen by small children!

This website just started last week, and already it's in the news and all over forums. It's called People of Walmart. Love it or hate it, you can't deny that there has been at least one time when you were in a Walmart and spotted a person that made you think, "Dear God, do they own a fucking mirror?"

Speaking of mirrors, I've heard you can buy them at Walmart.

I hear Mars is nice this time of year

Japan has just elected a new prime minister, Yukio Hatoyama, who has been given the nickname "The Alien". That may seem strange at first, until you learn that his wife claims to have been abducted by aliens who took her on a trip to Venus. That nickname seems oddly appropriate now, doesn't it?

Miyuki Hatoyama claims that 20 years ago, in the middle of the night, her soul left her body and took a little excursion with some aliens in a triangular spaceship to Venus. While we here at DPtC do not rule out the possibility of extraterrestrials, as well as the possibility that said extraterrestrials may possess the technology to visit our planet, we highly doubt that astral projection would be the travel method of choice for their human passengers. What would they accomplish by this, recording her reaction? And isn't Venus just a big, desert-y rock??

Also, we here at DPtC are not politicians, but we can't help but wonder if it might be a better idea to keep this sort of thing to yourself!

Apparently, stupidity leads to people bursting into flames...

In our second people-catching-fire scenario of the week, we can definitely spot the problem person. See that guy over to the left? Yeah. That guy right there. Please try to contain yourselves, as I know this is a shocking revelation.

This is Daniel Wood, 31, of Ohio. Mr. Wood has a problem with making good decisions. In this particular instance, he made three very bad decision. The first one was huffing flammable vapors (some reports say it was gasoline, others say it was aerosol from a can of compressed air). The second was yelling threats at K-Mart patrons while darting into traffic. And thirdly, when confronted by police officers, he resisted arrest and assaulted them.

The officers, after Mr. Wood kicked and tried to bite them, realized that he wasn't going down without a fight. So they tased him. Unfortunately, whatever he'd been huffing (see bad decision #1) interacted quite badly with the electricity from the taser and his shirt ignited. The cops were on the ball, though; they turned off the taser and put him out right away, so he actually fared much better than Mr. Feltham from Wednesday's post.

By the way, the crazy doesn't stop with Mr. Wood. If the comments on CBS's coverage of this story are to be believed (and they shouldn't be), one would think that cops are going around setting suspects on fire with tasers all the damn time for their own amusement. Of course, it doesn't help that CBS also left everything leading up to the altercation completely out of their article. Thanks, CBS, for your diligent reporting!

He says, she says: Greek style

Malia, on the island of Crete, has apparently become quite the tourist hotspot for Brits on holiday. Unfortunately for one Brit, it got a little too hot. According to Marina Fanouraki, a 26-year-old Greek student, a very drunk Brit tourist whipped out his junk and tried to grope her, so she dumped her Sambuka on him. Understandable, right? Well, she claims that after this happened he tried to light a cigarette and, as most of us are well aware, alcohol and fire don't play well together.

On the other hand, Stuart Feltham, the 20-year-old tourist in question, claims he never even spoke to the girl. In fact, the friend that was with him claims that all Stuart did was bump into her, causing her to go nutzoid and set him ablaze with her lighter.

Either way you look at this, someone went crazy that night. But which one? Unfortunately for those of us following the story, it looks like the assault case against Miss Fanouraki will be postponed until May while he recuperates, his lawyer finds witnesses, and she decides whether or not to sue for sexual harassment. Never fear, faithful crazy readers, we shall be keeping up with this story so that you can be well informed on just which one of these two is actually crazy!

America's litigious nature personified...

Meet Jonathan Lee Riches© (seriously, he puts the copyright symbol after his name). Mr. Riches is currently in federal prison after pleading guilty to wire fraud charges. Mr. Riches is also either incredibly bored or completely nuts, as he has filed hundreds (some think even thousands) of lawsuits against various people, corporate entities, laws, and even phone numbers. Some of his defendants include politicians (i.e. George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton), actors (i.e. Reese Witherspoon, Ben Affleck, and Tom Cruise), music artists (i.e. Timbaland, Beyonce Knowles, and Paul McCartney), governments no longer in existence (i.e. Adolf Hitler's National Socialist Party and Ming Dynasty), and phone numbers (202-456-1414 and 843-387-9400 - please note that the second phone number is listed as a contact for Mr. Riches on the lawsuit against the first phone number).

When the Guinness Book of World Records wanted to name him as the World's Most Litigious Person, he sued them, too.

All of these lawsuits are handwritten and, as far as we have found, have either been dismissed by a judge or tossed altogether because he didn't pay the proper filing fees. One judge is apparently so fed up with his lawsuits that in his dismissal, he stated, "Plaintiff's complaint is hereby DISMISSED without prejudice. IT IS FURTHER ORDERED that Plaintiff is henceforth PERMANENTLY ENJOINED from filing any further complaints in this Court except as set forth in this Order. Plaintiff is henceforth PERMANENTLY ENJOINED from filing or attempting to file any new lawsuit in this Court without first obtaining leave of the Court to do so." He has not since filed a lawsuit in the Georgia Northern District Court. He has, however, filed four more lawsuits in other courts.

And just to get it out of the way, Don't Poke the Crazy has no comment on any future lawsuit against them by Jonathan Lee Riches© for being included on this blog.

It's a uterus, not a clown car.

7 months ago when the story broke about Nadia Sulman having 8 babies, there was much debate raised about fertility treatments and how many is too many.


We don't know about you, but this is what we picture when we hear "Octomom"

Now, there is a woman in Tunisia who claims to be pregnant with 12 babies. That's right. 12. A dozen. All in her uterus. Just in case that didn't blow your mind enough, that's 12 small people growing inside her. We have a friend that lives in a quadraplex. There's more people inside this woman's belly than lives in our friend's building. If you thought Nadia's belly was huge after 8 (search on Google Images for "octomom" yourself - we did that once and that was bad enough!) just imagine what 12 will look like.

And she wants to have a natural birth for all of them.

Now. Let's look at some scientific facts. In mammals, the number of nipples that an animal has indicates the maximum size of a litter, and half that number for the usual amount of babies. As we all should know (and if you didn't, you probably shouldn't admit it), humans have two, so according to nature, the usual amount of bebehs is 1, the max usually being 2. That means this woman is pregnant with 6 times the maximum amount of kids that nature intended her to have.

It's not a contest, people.

UPDATE: Lynn just informed us in the comments that this has already been exposed as a hoax! This article says that the woman claimed she was 9 months pregnant. The implausibility of a woman being able to carry that many fetuses to term notwithstanding, we're pretty sure that the doctors were able to call "bullshit" just looking at her. (Again, we'll let you Google-Image Octomom yourselves)

So, the question remains: Which is crazier - If this had actually been true, or faking being 9 months pregnant with 12 babies?

Why listening is important

Psycho Girl Forgets Boyfriend is in Europe - Watch more Funny Videos

The Tale of a Horse's Ass

I think you've gotta be a little crazy to think that having sex with a horse is a good idea. You've gotta be even crazier to sneak onto someone's ranch, rearrange the horse's stall, and have sex - on multiple occasions - with someone else's horse. But if you do all of the above, get caught, put on the sex offender list, sentenced to probation, and then go back to the same ranch to have sex with the same horse two years later, you're off-the-deep-end crazy!


Besides, would you really wanna mess with this woman? (Photo from AP)

Rodell Vereen was undeterred by any such logic or reasoning when he broke into Barbara Kenley's stable and violated her horse, Sugar, even after he'd already been apprehended for the same offense, with the same horse. Ms. Kenley, naturally suspecting the Mr. Vereen (even though the authorities didn't think he'd be that stupid), set up surveillance cameras, capturing the assault on poor Sugar, and then held the guy at gunpoint until the police arrived.

Ms. Kenley, you get approximately eleventy billion awesome points (that includes bonus points for showing admirable restraint by not actually shooting the guy).

And all Mr. Vereen gets is jail time, where, presumably, he'll learn to empathize with Sugar.

Being a Redhead Can Be a Real Pain...

I found this article today and since my first reaction was "Woah! That's just crazy!" I decided to share it with the rest of you.

Basically, there have been rumors/urban legends floating around the medical world for a long time about the pain tolerance of redheads, so researchers actually decided to study it. Turns out that it's true - most people who carry the redhead gene have a lower pain tolerance and a higher resistance to anesthesia. Crazy, right? Side note: The anecdote about the redhead getting a root canal is pretty scary!

This article really makes this redhead glad that her hair comes from a bottle - I'm already kind of a wuss! Then again, my grandma is a redhead, so maybe it's all in my genes...

The Lizard People!!!11!!!1!!

You've heard the conspiracy theories. Big corporations run the world. The media controls what we think. The Jews control... well... everything.* But according to David Icke, there's a secret that all these groups are hiding.

All the people in power are reptilian humanoids.


May or may not be an accurate representation of the lizard people.

That's right. All the world leaders, as well as all the heads of banks and the media, are shape-shifting lizard people.

David Icke, former football player for Coventry City and Hereford United, has devoted his life to book signings and speaking tours in order to warn the people about the impending dangers from these nefarious creatures. According to Icke, famous figures such as George (H.W. and W.) Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, and Kris Kristopherson are all descended from shape-shifting reptiles that landed on Earth eons ago. So far, Obama's been determined to not be a lizard person, but merely a "puppet of the Cabal", and his "Science Czar" is apparently trying to sterilize everyone.

How does he know all this? Well, at a press conference in 1991, he stated "I am a channel for the Christ Spirit. The title was given to me very recently by the Godhead." So obviously, he knows what he's talking about, right? Right???

Jon Ronson of Britain's Channel 4 did a great bit on him called "David Icke, the Lizards, and the Jews", although after somehow forcing myself to sit through the whole thing, I've gotta say that I think Mr. Ronson focused a little too much on the Jew connection. I think it's pretty clear that when David Icke says that 12-foot shape-shifting lizard people rule the world, he really means that 12-foot shape-shifting lizard people rule the world.

Some people say that he's a con-man, or that he's anti-semitic, but really. Watch the video. He's really that nuts.

*Disclaimer: We here at Don't Poke the Crazy do not subscribe to any of these theories. Quite frankly, we doubt that any group is organized or agreeable enough to actually rule the world. Lizard people included. Although we sincerely hope that they do exist, because that would be awesome.