Sunday, June 28, 2009

Mr. Great Expectations

ATTENTION LADIES: Are you a sexy, ambitious, spiritual woman who's looking for the perfect man? Well, we don't have him here. But we do have...


This is Mark. And he knows exactly what he wants. As in, he has written a fucking novel on

"It is deep, complex, and mind-boggling." Seriously, says so right on his site.

~the Redhead: This website consists of one single page and approximately eleventy billion pictures of our friend Mark, ranging from the goofy to the downright creepy.

This site not only details his perfect woman down to specifications, but also describes his "global vision" which will allegedly brainwash the masses bring peace and love into this God-forsaken world.

For those of you who are curious to his taste in women,

She has a trim waistline. Alternatively, if her waistline is ALMOST (but not quite) trim, she is willing to trim it down for me and keep it trim for me. No exceptions

In other words, fatties need not apply.

~the Bastard: For that matter, if you're not a Quiet minded (ie. stupid), highly religious, meditating, vegetarian super-model/actress and former prostitute, you should probably be running away. Did I mention no TV or pets? And Rock music? Right out the door!
On the other hand, most extremist groups will LOVE his views on governments.

Even though his site is "devoted" to finding his perfect woman, it really comes off as nothing more than an outlet for his over inflated ego and life views. Which are...well... see for yourself.

So congratulations Mark, you have officially joined the short list of people I will never accept Koolaid from.

So just what is this anyway?

Welcome to Don't Poke the Crazy, your guide to crazy on the internet!

This blog chronicles the domestic adventures (and misadventures) of That Feisty Redhead as well as any crazy we can find on the internet.

When we say crazy, we don't mean the "oh the woecakes that has transpired" type pf crazy. We're talking about the full out nut-fest "leave Britney alone!" kind of thing. Everything from random people with utterly hilarious views of "how things work" to the "HOLY FUCKING HELL that guy just launched his wife from a catapult!" Is that enough quotations for you?

That's how we define crazy: so far out of the realm of normal that it is completely beyond the common understanding of the universe. And considering this is the internet, that's pretty fucked up!

People, pictures, websites, chat rooms, even IM conversations. We don't discriminate. If it's got the crazy, we'll share it with you!

This site was not only inspired by That Scotch-Irish Bastard's uncanny ability to unwittingly engage in the weirdest conversations with some of the craziest women on the web, but also the Rubberneckers group on Ravelry. The Rubberneckers are a group devoted to finding the humor in just about everything, particularly drama and crazy. It was created to laugh at such without actually engaging.

Remember, you can never win against the crazy! The crazy exists on a different plane of reality than the rest of us. So consider this your place to laugh at the crazy instead of engaging it!

If you want to contribute to Don't Poke the Crazy, please email us at and type "CRAZY" in the subject line. Just let us know how you would like to be recognized (i.e "submitted by John D.") or if you'd like it to be anonymous. Unless otherwise specified, we'll just say it came from one of our readers.

We will accept crazy from all over the internet, as well as photos from your own real-life experience with crazy and messaging conversations. If you do submit a convo, please provide a full transcript as well as screenshots from the best parts to verify authenticity. We are also willing to change the usernames to protect the innocent.

This post may be edited in the future to include updates to submission guidelines and whatnot, so keep checking back. Any questions can be submitted to with "Question" in the subject line.

**Regarding images:** All "Don't Poke the Crazy" logos are created by us and owned by us. Use them if you want, as long as you don't claim them as your own, profit directly from them, or hotlink them. We will sometimes insert images not created by us into our entries for (mostly) humorous and (sometimes) informational purposes, usually by doing a Google Image search. If we use an image that belongs to you and you do not want it on our site, please contact us and we will take it down.

Updated 1/3/2011