Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Why NaturallyCaron Spa is the Worst Yarn Ever

My dad told me that for Christmas, my sister wanted a hat like my "Meret".  My sister is 8 and absolutely adorable, so how could I say no?  However, this also inspired me to knit something for my 14 year old brother, as well.  Unfortunately, I had this conversation with my dad 6 days ago.  So now I'm trying to knit some fingerless gloves for my brother and desperately trying to finish them before Christmas.

Now, I don't have a local yarn store near me.  The closest one is about 30 miles away, which means I'm pretty much stuck with online orders, Hobby Lobby, or Michael's.  I didn't have time to order anything and getting in and out of the parking lot at Michael's is a suicide mission, so Hobby Lobby it was.

When I saw the skein of NaturallyCaron Spa, I thought it was perfect for my brother.  It's 75% acrylic, 25% bamboo, and 100% soft and squishy!  I knew it would hold up to the abuse that my bro would obviously put it through while still being warm and comfortable.

And it's a great color!

Unfortunately, there's a problem.  Although it seems to be nice and tightly wound on the skein, once I started knitting with it, it became the splittiest yarn ever in the history of splitty yarns EVAR.  Also, while the shininess was part of it's appeal to me, it also seems to be very, very slippery which is seriously fucking with my tension.

This is what happens while knitting with this yarn.  This is bad.
So while I'm going to stick it out and finish the damn gloves, I am never, ever using this yarn again.  Thank the sweet, merciful Goddess that I'm almost done with the first glove as it will seriously say something for my will power if I don't melt the fucking leftovers after I'm done.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Why The Bastard should probably stop playing online multi-player games

So The Bastard is only working part-time right now, so between looking for a 2nd job and his insomnia, he's got a lot of free time on his hands.  To fill this time, when he's not dismantling and reassembling the computers, he plays online multi-player games.  This would not be a problem, except that The Bastard seems to have a certain magnetism for crazy, especially when it comes to the female variety.

At first, I thought it was just "IRL", as the kids say.  For example, when we were in high school, he dated a girl who was so possessive, I once offered to get him a crowbar for Christmas so that he might have a chance to loosen her vice-grip on him.  However, as he discovered the world of online gaming, it appears that it's not just his charming good looks that attracts female bizarreness.

On one text-based game, he had one woman cyber-stalking him and posting all kinds of crazy weirdness in an attempt to sabotage his in-game reputation and relationships.  This went on for months until he finally left the game altogether, although for unrelated reasons.  The only provocation that we could figure is that he was also a moderator for the forums and once had to get onto her for breaking the rules.

There have also been other misunderstandings where "being a nice guy" has been interpreted as "wanting to be in an actual relationship" and the other (read: crazy) party has gotten butthurt in the end.  However, the most recent tops the cake.  Lately, The Bastard has been playing a World of Warcraft style game: fantasy role-playing, real-time play with quests and guilds, as well as the ability to have voice chat with other players.  This game has in-game relationships that give you certain "buffs", depending on what type of relationship you're in and the stats of the other player.  I think.  I haven't actually played it, so I think I've got that right.

Anyway, he "got married" in the game to one of the other guild members.  He considered her a friend and, as he's married and she was in a committed relationship, The Bastard assumed that there was an understanding that this "relationship" was solely for their mutual benefit in the game.  However, he got online the other day and found that she had "unfriended" him, left his guild, blocked him on chat, and sent him a ranting PM, basically saying that he hasn't been spending enough time with her, and that she doesn't deserve to be treated this way.

She was pissed that her fake husband wasn't spending enough fake quality time with her because he was too busy going on fake missions with fake elves, fake mages, and other such fake characters.

I asked him if there was any way that anything he's said could be construed as wanting more, and he said they'd make jokes about spousal abuse when one of them beat the other in a sparring match or whatever in the game, but couldn't think of anything other than that.  I asked him what he was going to do about it, and he said that he was just going to keep his mouth shut and pretend that nothing happened.

He's apparently learned nothing from real life.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Oh, Springs131...hOw we'VE mISsEd yOU!!!11!1!!!!

Big props to loomatic from the Rubberneckers group on Ravelry for finding this little gem!  For those of you who are not familiar with Springs131, she is the restaurant customer from Hell.  I pity the poor abused servers that end up with this nightmare at their table!  If you're not familiar with the screen name, you may also know her by "The rAnCh DrEsSiNg lady" as she is famous for her crazy, excessively punctuated, randomly bolded, erratically italicized, nonsensically capitalized ranch dressing rants.

In case you've missed out on all the fun check out this link, and this one, too.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

The Bastard's Job Odyssey

The Bastard is finally employed again!  WOO HOO!!  It's been awhile and I know he's been going stir crazy.  I also know that he's going to be working for a special brand of crazy...

This all started when he got a call from JB, telling him that a spot opened up in another department where he works, looking for general IT and server upkeep.  So of course, The Bastard instantly put his name in the hat.  This is exactly the kind of work that he wants to do for a living, so we were totally excited!

Then came the bad news.  He'll only be working part-time, and his bosses are a collection of intellectual prima-donnas.  None of his predecessors in this position have lasted six months because the couldn't deal with the crazy.

So while I'm completely excited that he's working again, and in a field that he loves, I'm a little worried about the longevity of this job.  However, I do still hold some hope.  After all, The Bastard is still a crazy magnet, so he's had lots of practice with this sort of thing!

Don't Poke the Crazy is now on Plurk!

So I've been hearing about this Plurk thing for awhile now, but really haven't looked into it.  I mean, I've already got a Twitter account that I never fucking use, so what's the point, right?  However, I finally caved and looked into it.  Turns out it's more versatile than Twitter and has a better layout.  So this morning I decided why the hell not?  You can now follow the crazy on Plurk!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

And speaking of 4chan...

I'd heard that Moot had been asked to testify in the trial against the hacker who broke into Sarah Palin's email, but quite honestly, I'd forgotten about the whole thing since all the hubbub was almost 2 years ago.  However, I found a transcript of the testimony on Business Insider and it is hilarious.  The first section of it sounds like Internet Forums for Dummies.  Then it moves into net lingo, during which poor Moot is requested to explain the "Rickroll".  I am of the firm belief that the Rickroll cannot be explained.  It must be experienced.  I am also of the firm belief that there is absolutely no reason whatsoever that the word "Rickroll" should be uttered in a courtroom.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Um, actually, no... you are not Anonymous...

When the Tea Party movement first came about, I have to admit I was intrigued. The original selling point was that it was comprised of ordinary Americans who were sick and tired of the bailouts, the rising national debt, and the ever-increasing whispers of rising taxes. Who wouldn't be all for that? Unfortunately, that sort of thing also attracts the crazies. So, I've been sitting back and watching the show, hoping that maybe someone will get them back on track or possibly start a less haphazard (and less crazy-attracting) movement with those original principles. It's not looking good. Here is why:

Just about anyone who has been on the web for more than 5 seconds has heard of 4chan. Many who have heard of 4chan have heard of Anonymous, the unknown band of 4chan participants that is known for both their lovable online and IRL antics that they do "for the lulz". Quite frankly it's impressive. However, there is one clear rule of the internet: Do not fuck with Anonymous. It will not end well for you.

I found this on Failbook:

see more Failbook

Yeah... "uh oh" is right! See, this is the type of crazy I'm talking about. Did they just see this quote somewhere and think, "Hey, that sounds cool! Let's use it without researching the origins!" Never, EVER, use a quote without researching the origins! Of course, when I saw the Failbook entry, I had to dig deeper. I found several articles and blogs about it, but Daily Kos actually has screen shots.

How did I not hear about this sooner? The short answer, lately I fail at the interwebz.

In any case, the Facebook page has been removed and access to their Ning page has apparently been changed to members-only. This is why I took the wait-and-see approach with the Tea Party. Never jump on bandwagons, kids. While it may look all pretty and shiny at first, most of the time it's full of crazy.

And above all, never fuck with Anonymous.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Welcome To A Whole New Era of Middle School Bullying

These are the names that are growing the fastest in popularity? Really?? Apparently these parents have never set foot in a middle school, let alone attended one. Why would anyone curse their child with the name "Sookie", especially after the TrueBlood series? How many boys do you think are going to try to get in her pants by crooning "Sookeeehhhhh" like Bill Compton when she gets into high school? And did I miss some famous "Castiel" or something? Because I've never even heard of that one. (edit: I've just been informed it's from Supernatural)

I have a friend who is Indian and was toying with choosing a Hindi name for her first born. Knowing this child would eventually be going to an American public school, she asked me and several others for opinions on names, specifically from a middle school mindset. Long story short, she went with Sophie.

Acceptable from my perspective:
Girls - Martina, Charlotte (I actually really like this one), Lorelai
Boys - Lucian (if he goes by Luke), Mikah (if you spell it with a C), Sterling (only because I went to high school with one and he was pretty normal)

Totally and completely unacceptable (again, from my perspective):
Girls - Sookie, Ursula (ever since the Disney version of The Little Mermaid came out), anything beginning with Ever, especially the name "Ever"
Boys - Bentley (your kid is not a car), Dashiell (looks WAY too close to Danielle to escape taunting), Zion (really?)

I would apologize for offending anyone who named their speshul snoflayke one of the names I made fun of, but I'm really not sorry at all. Please, parents, before you name your kid, THINK OF THE CHILDRENZZZZ!!!11!!!!!1!!ELEVENTY!!!!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

A Ghost Named Bob

Okay, so our ghost wasn't really named Bob. Or maybe he was, who knows. We never actually found out, although not for lack of trying. My Google-fu returned no results and the people in the leasing office gave me nothing more helpful than, "Ummm... I've only worked here for, like, four months? So... I have no idea if anyone died in your apartment." However, for the sake of my little tale here, we will call him Bob.

We were not aware of Bob's presence at first. We knew something was going on, but while The Bastard and I both have always believed in ghosts, we never thought we might actually be living with one. Weird things would happen, though, and there were strange noises - but only after about 11pm. There were thuds that sounded like footsteps in the bedroom on the 2nd floor of our townhouse apartment. There were noises that would come from the stairwell. The TV would randomly change volume or channels, and sometimes turn off altogether when the remote was out of reach. We attributed all of this to old construction and faulty wiring. At first.

And then we got Hobbes, our little black rescue kitten. He was a scrawny, skittish thing I found outside work about 2 months after we moved in. After some coaxing from me and a pitiful, yellow-eyed sad face from the kitten, The Bastard agreed we could keep him.

Hobbes was about 3 months old when we finally acknowledged Bob. One night, I was sleeping upstairs while The Bastard was downstairs on the computer, losing that night's fight with insomnia. Suddenly, I was startled out of my peaceful slumber by the most horrifying, screeching yowl I have ever heard before or since, followed by "What the fuck...?" My eyes popped open to see Hobbes perched on the ledge overlooking the stairwell, hissing and yowling with fur raised and back arched, along with The Bastard, who was standing at the top of the stairs looking down them, trying to figure out what the hell had freaked out the cat. I start yelling, trying to figure out what the commotion was. Then The Bastard tells me.

He was sitting at the computer when out of the corner of his eye, he saw the decorative vines on the wall begin to move. As these vines were located by the stairs, he thought I was awake and had come down for something. As he was climbing the stairs to check on me, Hobbes flew past him, jumped on the ledge, and proceeded to screech at the stairwell. Knowing that animals are especially keen to the paranormal, we looked at each other and finally acknowledged that we had a ghost.

We didn't tell anyone this for awhile. We thought it sounded... well... crazy! But we started adding up the weirdness and realized that everything always happened at night, after 11pm. We also noticed that the thudding sounded suspiciously like someone walking across the bedroom, pausing at the top of the stairs, and then proceeding to fall down them, ending with a thud on the landing. Bob was falling down the stairs every night.

Bob didn't seem to be malicious, but we needed a way to calm him down, especially after we got a 2nd cat who was equally freaked by the stairs after 11pm. We had 2 cats that felt trapped on one floor or the other at night unless we walked with them up or down the stairs! After the Google-fu failed to turn up Bob's origins, I turned it on the hunt for how to calm a ghost. We didn't want to banish him - like I said, he wasn't malicious. Besides, we've seen way too many horror movies for that! I found a few articles that suggested religious icons can sometimes calm a ghost, so we turned to Nurse Mommy on the off chance that maybe Bob was Catholic. Not that Nurse Mommy is, but we knew for a fact that she had a blessed-by-a-priest St. Joseph statue that she swore helped her sell their previous house when she buried it upside-down in the backyard. We put him in the corner next to the top of the stairs. Apparently Bob was intrigued, because he was quiet for a few nights, but then he was right back to his shenanigans.

I considered doing a cleansing ritual with burning sage, but The Bastard nixed that idea. Apparently, burning sage smelled like burning weed, and as we weren't in a great part of town, he didn't want the cops raiding us.

One night, while we were in the living room downstairs, The Bastard said, "Well, it's dark upstairs... maybe he's falling down because he can't see...?" We shrugged and he turned on a lamp... whose bulb immediately blew. We spent the remainder of that night at IHOP.

Finally, after a couple of months of trying various methods (and rejecting some of the more ridiculous ideas that Google found for me), I tried talking to him. Yes, talking to him. According to teh interwebz, merely acknowledging the ghost directly can have a calming effect. So, after work every day, I would stop at the bottom of the stairs and talk to Bob. And by "talk to Bob" I mean talk to the empty stairwell. I would say things like, "Hi!" and "I can't see you, but I know you're there and want you to know that you are welcome to stay" and "Could you please stop messing with the TV? Thanks!"

And you know what? It fucking worked. Bob calmed down, and most nights, we never heard him at all. However, if we forgot, he'd remind us of his presence by launching himself down the stairs as hard as possible. So I continued this routine until the day we moved out. For the record, we didn't leave because of Bob. We left because the leasing office was full of douchebags. No interesting story there, unfortunately, just incompetent douchebags.

So that's the saga of Bob. Now we're living in another state with our two cats. Hobbes is still a bit skittish but no longer scrawny. In fact, he could probably stand to lose a pound or two. And we have not encountered another ghost. I sometimes wonder what the tenants after us thought of Bob. I hope he finds peace with the people who live there now. Or at least, I hope they watch TV shows he likes, because apparently we didn't.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

An Apartment Story (or Why The Bastard And I Have Horrible Luck With Neighbors)

This will probably be the longest post I will ever write on this blog. Maybe I should write more so all this won't be pent up to the point were it comes shooting out in the form of keyboard diarrhea.

The Bastard and I have lived in quite a few humble abodes. When we first moved in together, we were renting a shitty little apartment that had a leaky ceiling in the bathroom because our upstairs neighbor didn't believe in shower curtains. Our neighbors across the hall had already filed bankruptcy before they'd reached the legal drinking age and the guy next to them was the worst pot dealer that ever lived. At least, he claimed to deal, but I think he just smoked his entire inventory at wholesale prices.

After that, we both moved in with our respective parents for time, only his parents were 1000 miles away in another state. I joined him out there about a year later and we rented this delightfully petite townhouse in Houston. At least, we thought it was delightfully petite at first. We soon found out that it was just fucking small and difficult to furnish. It also had a ghost that would fall down the stairs around 11:30 every night, turn off our TV randomly after that time, and scare the hell out of the cats. One time the bastard said, "Hmmm, maybe he's falling down the stairs because he can't see!" We shrugged and decided it wasn't the dumbest theory either of us had come up with. So, the Bastard turned on a lamp, whose light bulb promptly blew. We spent the night at IHOP. Shortly thereafter, I ended up talking to empty stairs every day when I got home from work just to get him to shut the hell up. If I forgot, he'd come back with a fucking vengeance that night.

Our next apartment was across the street in a better-managed complex. At least, it was until after the first time we renewed our lease. We were on the top floor of a 2-story building, so we no longer worried about neighbors above us. However, the apartment below us had to have been cursed. Every person who moved in there by themselves either moved in or got evicted within 3 months. Every couple that moved in there would scream at each other like banshees and eventually be evicted for causing the cops to come out there too many times. We also had a neighbor that came to one of our parties one time, then wouldn't leave us alone for weeks after that. I understand the guy was lonely, but knocking on our door 10 times a day is a little excessive. He also had an on-again-off-again marriage with a woman half his size that would beat the shit out of him. Guys, as much as violence against women disgusts me, if a woman is actively trying to claw your face off, as in drawing blood to the point where you may need stitches, it's ok to restrain her. Really. It is.

After this, we stayed with the Bastard's parents for awhile, who had since moved back to our home state. While this wasn't the ideal living situation, the Bastard's parents are awesome. I totally lucked out in the in-law department. But two people and two cats can only live in a 12' x 12' for so long without going batty, so as soon as we were out of the massive pile of debt we'd buried ourselves under, we got the apartment we're living in now.

At first, it seemed great. Then, after a couple weeks, we realized that our neighbors across the hall were getting a LOT of visitors. At night. And they would only stay for a few minutes. They also mostly looked like one of these variations:

Can you guess what they were selling? At least they weren't cooking it - the weather seals around the doors and windows of this building aren't good enough to keep out that kind of smell.

Apparently we weren't the only ones who caught on to their stupidity. They lasted for about 3 months until they got arrested, their car was impounded, and they were kicked out of their apartment. We got to watch the maintenance guys dump all their stuff in the parking lot. They had some great over-stuffed leather furniture. Unfortunately, according the maintenance guys, it all smelled like a combination of cigarettes, pot, and meth so it all went to the dump.

The two apartments below us were empty when we first got there. Shortly before Dumb and Dumber across the hall were evicted, some 20-something guys moved in below us. They looked like frat boys. They were nice guys and all, but slaughtering Metallica on your Rock Band game at 11:30 on a Tuesday night is so not cool. I had to have the Bastard handle that one since I'm not exactly reasonable to deal with when woken up by such defamation shortly after drifting off.

They left less than a year later. Their replacement, a middle-aged guy, and the new tenants in the apartment below them got along a little too well. They would stand outside the bottom-floor apartment with some other neighbors letting small children run wild and laughing their asses off at each other at all times of night. Again, I let the Bastard deal with them as we really don't have the money to bail my ass out of jail, let alone multiple times.

Both of them have moved out recently. Hopefully, these new tenants (who were hanging pictures this morning... loudly...) will be better. But I'm not getting my hopes up. The Bastard's schooling that he starts this fall better pay off because I really need a house!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Why pop stars should not be role models

I don't keep up celebrities. Well, except for Arthur Kade, of course. But I saw a headline on during my daily news rounds this morning that caught my eye: "Justin Bieber doesn't know what the word 'German' means. No, really." This I had to see.

"We don't say that in America." Really, kid?? We don't say "German"? Or maybe he thinks that no one says "What does ______ mean in German?" in America. Either way, this does not come off well for him.

When I first saw the video, I couldn't help but think, "Damn. Another blow to the American educational system." Then I looked this kid up (I honestly didn't know who the hell he was) and it turns out he's Canadian! Sorry, Canada, this one is on you.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Testing the mobile blogging

Sure, I might be sitting smack in front of my computer with my blog
account open on the screen, but I really want to see how well this
email blogging thing will work from my Blackberry.

Am I poking my own crazy? Perhaps. But it's so much fun!

Sent from my mobile device

I am the worst blogger in the history of blogging.

I am. I really am. I've reinvented this blog twice and still have no idea what I want to do with it! Originally The Bastard was supposed to help me with it but he lost interest in about 5 seconds.

I think I'll just post whatever comes to me. That's what normal bloggers do, right? Hell, it's not like anyone reads this, anyway, so to hell with expectations!

Yeah, I think that's what I'll do. I need to play with that whole email-to-blog thing. I keep getting ideas to write about when I'm not at the computer and then forget them all when I finally sit down. I have a Blackberry that's email-capable, so I really ought to use it. I wish Blogger would make an app for it, though. That would probably be easier/more reliable.

Ah, stream of consciousness writing... it's an interesting thing, isn't it?

Crochet man wins teh interwebz!


That is all.

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Oh, My Aching Back!

So the P90X has been on hold this week. I don't know what the hell I did to my back, but it's been hurting like a sonuvabitch. It's my lower back, right where my spine meets my pelvis. I haven't even been able to go get it checked out because we don't have health insurance right now. I've been shopping around, but we just can't afford it right now, even with all the cash I've been saving on groceries lately (another receipt coming soon - just haven't taken a pic of it yet).

My MIL, Nurse Mommy, has apparently been having similar issues. She, however, has been able to see a chiropractor about it. She's instructed me to put ice on it and do stretches. The stretch she recommended:

Sit in one chair with one leg propped on another chair of equal height, leg stretched out in front of you. Lean over as far as you can and hold it for 10 seconds. Repeat for other leg.

It's starting to feel better, but I don't want to push it. I've just been able to stop taking the anti-inflammatories that the Bastard had gotten for his knee back before my layoff in the days of health insurance. He was prescribed 60 pills. I think he took 1.

I also suspect I have the flu. It's been going around my office and everyone looked pretty green at the department meeting. I left right after to work from home, feeling green myself.

This week = FAIL.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Grocery Shopping - Ur Doin it Right!


Dude. It is amazing how much money you can save if you actually use coupons and look at the circular ads before you shop. I almost cut this bill in half! Granted, we didn't have to buy much this week, but that's mostly due to the fact that I was able to buy two 3-lb bags of frozen chicken tenderloins for $1.69/lb last week!

I have a Kroger card, so I get coupons in the mail from them, plus I use online coupons from and I've also used a few on Kroger's website, but their selection of online coupons has really sucked lately. I've also printed coupons off of which usually has a pretty good selection.

Anyone looking to save money on groceries, though, should check out the circulars first and foremost. Check the store's website - Kroger, for example, has their weekly specials online. If you look at that first and plan your weekly menu around what you already have and can buy on sale, I guarantee you'll save money. That's how I found that chicken on sale - I checked the ad!

So I weighed myself this morning...

We've been slackers. I will admit this. We haven't done more than a couple DVDs per week for the last month. We have, however, been watching our diet. Maybe not exactly as Tony Horton suggests, but we have been watching fat and calories, and using the deep-fryer a LOT less. I've also been checking the nutritional information on the back of my frozen meals that I take to work for lunch, which is something I never used to do. My lunch shopping strategy relied solely on the price tag. While I still take that into account, it's no longer the only factor.

So what was the result? 141, baby!! And I've even had a few Girl Scout cookies in the past month! This brings the weight loss from (our half-assed attempt at) P90X to 7 lbs, and total weight loss overall since we started working out to 14 lbs! I can feel it, too. My pants fit better and my tummy looks better in tighter shirts.

Still more work to be done, though. I'm not quite to the bikini tummy. But I am getting close, and I'm damn proud of it.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Product Review Time! Tilex Mold & Mildew

Yeah, I know, this is totally unlike me to post product reviews, but I hatehateHATE cleaning the bathroom. This just happened to be my mission for the day.

I'm a lazy bitch. I will admit this freely. I do not clean as much as I should. In fact, the Bastard is the one who does most of the cleaning in the house. However, stuff like laundry and bathroom shit usually falls to me. I'm ok with this, because he's a bit of a freak when it comes to dusting and kitchen cleanliness, and if there are 2 things I hate worse than cleaning the bathroom, it's dusting and cleaning the kitchen. Don't know why, it's just how I am.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand. I've decided to start doing a product review thing every know and then because I don't fall in love with products very often. My friend, the SuperJew just happened to recommend this one, so big props to her. She had told me that, upon moving into a house with her previous roommate, she found her bathroom to be a total disgusting mess. So she decided to try Tilex Mold & Mildew, as that's what she needed to get rid of the most.

And it worked. Beautifully.

So one day when I was over at her new (roommate-free) apartment, she relayed this story to me. So, I picked up a bottle on our next grocery trip, and there it sat, unused for quite a while under the bathroom sink. Today, I went to finally clean the bathroom and, upon removing the corner basket from the tub, found a mildewy mess. ICK.

I did exactly what SuperJew told me to do: I sprayed down the corner (probably more than I needed to) and left the room, making sure to turn on the fan. OMG, the fumes are horrendous! I changed the sheets on the bed, threw a load of laundry in the washer, and by the time I returned to the bathroom, the corner was almost completely bare! It was awesome! Despite what SuperJew had told me, I thought that there would at least be some scrubbing, but no, I just had to wipe down the corner and rinse it off!

I immediately wrote a letter to Tilex. Seriously. I really hardly ever do this, but it seemed like the thing to do at the time. The Tilex people will probably think I'm a psychopath getting all excited about fucking mildew remover, but I was just so excited about not having to scrub my bathtub!

So thank you, SuperJew, for the recommendation! And just in case you were wondering, no, Tilex is not paying me anything. I have probably the least-read blog in history. However, if they do want to pay me for endorsing them, they're more than welcome to!

~The RedHead

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Recipe: Protein Shake!

We didn’t buy the protein drinks from Beachbody, but did find a good whey protein powder and started making our own protein shakes. I think it's the Kroger brand.

1 scoop strawberry-flavored protein powder
1 cup low-fat milk
1 cup frozen strawberries

Stick all that in the blender and mix until it’s nice and smooth - tastes just like a strawberry milkshake!

We’re also going to try making our own protein bars this weekend so I'll let you know how that goes.

The Redhead

All caught up on posts...

From today...

So in addition to all the computer problems (that really didn’t get fixed until yesterday because we had to ::ahem:: reacquire the DVDs), the weekend really fucked up our plan. Sunday was the worst - Super Bowl Party + beer = low self-control! On the bright side, we felt so miserable after all the crappy food on Monday that it really motivated us to get back on the original plan. So we went back to the diet on Monday and started with the arms & shoulders workout yesterday. We also did Ab Ripper X for the first time.


That fucking sucked. There’s this dude with absolutely no fat on him just going like a fucking robot on these ab exercises. If you see the video he’s the black dude on the right side of the screen - not that he’s easy to miss! He’s like a fucking machine. He had no shirt on and his abs are fucking incredible!

I normally love ab exercises, but these are so much more extreme than I’ve ever done. I just have to keep thinking “bikini… bikini… bikini…”

By the way, thanks to Cruzer, Ashley1313, lisaab, BlackDahlia, Rodeogal, and bellatrixED for all the support! Keep kicking my ass, ladies - I’m gonna need it! :P

From February 5, 2010

Yesterday, our home computer, Frankenstein (so named because he’s made up of several old, shitty computers to make one halfway decent computer), died. We have my work laptop at home, so it’s not a complete tragedy - all the P90X DVDs are on our external hard drive (edit: turns out that they were on the main drive, after all) - but all the measurements, goals, fitness test, etc were on the main internal hard drive. Which is now fried. We ended up going to see JB, our IT friend, last night to get another hard drive, which we thought was the problem, but it ended up being Frankenstein himself. Instead of exercising, we ended up eating pizza and playing video games. Fail.

Recipe: Chicken Fajitas

Chicken fajitas (for 2 - with probably way too much chicken!)

2 boneless skinless chicken breasts
1/2 white onion
1/2 red bell pepper
Tortillas (we bought “garden veggie tortillas” - more veggies than the corn and less carbs than the flour)
1 packet fajita seasoning
olive oil

Cut the chicken, onion, and pepper (remove the seeds first!) into strips. Heat about 1 tbsp of olive oil in a skillet and cook the chicken, drain, then sautee the onions and peppers. With everything in the pan, follow the instructions on the seasoning packet to make the sauce. Stir constantly to make sure everything gets coated. Don’t worry - the sauce thickens as it cooks!

Wrap it up with a tortilla and eat! YUM!

Tony Horton is an effective motivator, but an epic douche

I really want to punch Tony Horton in the face sometimes. Every time he says “Bring it!” or “We’re putting the X in P90X with this one!” I die a little inside. Although I do want to check out the Core Synergistics DVD that Ashley1313 was talking about, where he yells "Superman! Banana! Superman! Banana!" I haven't gotten to that one yet...

By the way, here is a great review of P90X by Caustic Muse.

P90X Goals

Also from 2/2/10:

I should probably put up some goals here…

  • I would like to cut at least 2 inches off my waist
  • I want a bikini belly!
  • I want to get rid of the back folds that have been looming and threatening to appear for a long time now
  • I’m aiming for 135 lbs (I’m at 148 right now), but that’s not mandatory as long as I meet the previous goals

I'll get the Bastard to put up his goals, too. If I'm laying this all out here, by jove, he will, too!

The Redhead

2010: A Fresh Start (and late, as usual)

The Redhead here. I'm changing this blog, because as a woman it is my prerogative to change my mind. So nyah. Plus all those awesome bitches on the LSG Anti-Lard Alliance on Ravelry inspired me to post about mine and the Bastard's progress as we embark on this most-decidedly crazy journey, commonly called P90X.


So here's first post, copied and pasted (as most of these posts probably will be) with minimal editing from LSG ALA:

Posted February 2, 2010:

Ok, so the Bastard found this 90-day workout/diet program called P90X. I’d never heard of it, but apparently he’d read all this crazy-awesome stuff about it and really wanted to do it. So, we were able to ::ahem:: get our hands on the DVDs and materials and just started last night.

Hmmm… I say diet program and that really sounds sketchy. It’s more like… training you how to eat and think about your food, although it’s really, really structured at the beginning. I’m used to eating EVERYTHING with rice or pasta, and now I’ve had to cut waaaay back on it (half a bagel in the morning and one small portion of carbs at dinner) but I’m eating way more protein.

But I’m not cutting out the daily yogurt, even though it technically puts me over my carb and dairy allowances. I figure it doesn’t put me over by that much, and a yogurt a day keeps the yeasties away! (Plus, I’ve read in several fitness articles that yogurt helps your metabolism)

For the 1st 30 days, you cut back on carbs, fat, and sugar and eat more protein; the 2nd 30 days, you add some more carbs and scale back the protein a bit; the 3rd 30 days, you cut back a little more on the protein and add a little bit more carbs - which will put me back to about what I was eating before in terms of carb/protein ratios, but hopefully smarter and healthier choices. Oh! I’m also supposed to eat 5-6 times each day in smaller portions, too, which I’ve read over and over again is healthier anyway.

In the meantime, though, we’ve gone through one video (last night) and it kicked my ass!!! It was the Chest & Shoulders video. And I HAAAAAAAAATE push-ups and pull-ups! The weights part wasn’t so bad, but DAMN. I’d want to go run over our pull-up bar with a bulldozer if I hadn’t just bought the thing a few weeks ago!

Anyone else tried the P90X? Maybe some tips? I already know not to get discouraged because I can’t keep up with the video, blah blah blah - and actually I was pretty pleased with myself for doing as much as I did last night. I’m still towards the Wuss end of the Wussification scale, but I’m not quite as wussy as I thought I was!