Win: Weapon of Choice

I have just been informed that there are people in existence that have never seen the greatest music video of all time.  Because of this, I'm posting it now.  YOU'RE WELCOME.

OMG Look A These Fucking Hot Dogs

I was in Aldi today and was checking out the sale and limited-time stuff because some of it's pretty awesome.  Like what I found today:

On the right, normal sized hot dogs.  On the left, JUMBO-SIZED JUMBO JUMBO DOGS!!!!

Oh yes.  I bought them.

Copernicus may have been a lamp model

The most awesome lamp ever.  EVAR.  And yes, that is a Han Solo bookmark next to it!

So between insomnia, quitting smoking, chronic pain, and general stress, my head's been in a weird place lately.  Last night I took a look at my bedside lamp.  Like, really looked at it.  Now, I got this lamp as a Christmas present, I think in 2003, from my mom with whom I have this recurring joke about monkeys.  For some reason, I have accumulated lots of monkey-themed paraphernalia, and never realized it until about 9 years ago when one of my fellow cast members pointed out that I showed up to many of my Pirates of Penzance rehearsals in monkey shirts and I earned the moniker "Monkeymonkeymonkey".  I told Mom this, since she was the one who bought most of the shirts, and she thought this was hilarious since she hadn't noticed it, either.  IIRC, there was eye-rolling from The Bastard over this.

Anyway, every now and then, my mom will give me a monkey-themed gift or card or whatever, the most epic of these being my prized monkey lamp.  It has been a point of contention between me and The Bastard, such as when we moved into this apartment:

Me: Hey!  I just unpacked the monkey lamp!
Dan: Oh.  Yay.
Me: Where do you think we should put it? Do you think the living room is too big a space for it?  It's not a very big lamp.
Dan: I think the closet could use some more light.
Me: What?!  The monkey lamp needs to be seen!  The monkey lamp is awesome!
Dan: The monkey lamp is creepy.
Me: Whatever! I'm putting it by the bed!

So that's how the monkey lamp ended up on my nightstand.  Anyway, I couldn't sleep so somehow between chapters of "Sphere" and pondering turning off the light again, I took a good look at the lamp.

Holy shit!  He looks like Copernicus!  For those of you who do not know of Copernicus, he's a stuffed monkey that The Bloggess recently purchased from a thrift store.  He likes to give hugs and may be missing part of his face.  Now I'm thinking that he also may have modeled for lamps when he was younger, which means Jenny seriously got a deal on him.

Also, since I'm sharing my decor with everyone, this is my zebra lamp that one of my friends gave me for my 21st birthday.  I loved it because I adore tacky zebra print, and because it goes so well with my monkey lamp.

Consequently, The Bastard has forbidden me from shopping with The Bloggess, even though I've never met her and probably won't unless I begin stalking her or somehow convince Nathan Fillion to take a picture with twine.  I am warming The Bastard up to the idea of getting me a "Knock-knock, motherfucker" t-shirt for Christmas, though.

Why I don't take The Bastard grocery shopping

Recently, I may have temporarily lost my mind.  It all started with a little app called Our Groceries.  It's a great app - you can set up a list, then sync it with your phone and the phones of anyone else you want to be able to access your list.  I instantly fell in love with it because I'm always trying to get The Bastard to tell me what he wanted me to pick up from the grocery store.  Usually his answer was "food".  Bastard.  I figured that with this app, he could just add whatever he wanted to the list whenever he thought of it.

Of course, this would require him actually bothering to download the app, even though I sent the link to him twice.  One day, completely fed up with his lack of participation in the grocery list, I dragged him shopping.

Now, here's how my shopping usually goes, and it usually takes all of 20 minutes to get in and out:

I go in, I get what I need, I get out.  I don't know what I was expecting with The Bastard, but it went more like this:

Forty-five minutes. Forty-five minutes.  In a freakin' Aldi!  That store has, like, 4 aisles!

If he was trying to make a point then he wins, because never again!