Hmmm... what should I wear today... hey! This shirt looks appropriate to wear in public where it may be seen by small children!
This website just started last week, and already it's in the news and all over forums. It's called People of Walmart. Love it or hate it, you can't deny that there has been at least one time when you were in a Walmart and spotted a person that made you think, "Dear God, do they own a fucking mirror?"
Speaking of mirrors, I've heard you can buy them at Walmart.
Japan has just elected a new prime minister, Yukio Hatoyama, who has been given the nickname "The Alien". That may seem strange at first, until you learn that his wife claims to have been abducted by aliens who took her on a trip to Venus. That nickname seems oddly appropriate now, doesn't it?
Miyuki Hatoyama claims that 20 years ago, in the middle of the night, her soul left her body and took a little excursion with some aliens in a triangular spaceship to Venus. While we here at DPtC do not rule out the possibility of extraterrestrials, as well as the possibility that said extraterrestrials may possess the technology to visit our planet, we highly doubt that astral projection would be the travel method of choice for their human passengers. What would they accomplish by this, recording her reaction? And isn't Venus just a big, desert-y rock??
Also, we here at DPtC are not politicians, but we can't help but wonder if it might be a better idea to keep this sort of thing to yourself!
In our second people-catching-fire scenario of the week, we can definitely spot the problem person. See that guy over to the left? Yeah. That guy right there. Please try to contain yourselves, as I know this is a shocking revelation.
This is Daniel Wood, 31, of Ohio. Mr. Wood has a problem with making good decisions. In this particular instance, he made three very bad decision. The first one was huffing flammable vapors (some reports say it was gasoline, others say it was aerosol from a can of compressed air). The second was yelling threats at K-Mart patrons while darting into traffic. And thirdly, when confronted by police officers, he resisted arrest and assaulted them.
The officers, after Mr. Wood kicked and tried to bite them, realized that he wasn't going down without a fight. So they tased him. Unfortunately, whatever he'd been huffing (see bad decision #1) interacted quite badly with the electricity from the taser and his shirt ignited. The cops were on the ball, though; they turned off the taser and put him out right away, so he actually fared much better than Mr. Feltham from Wednesday's post.
By the way, the crazy doesn't stop with Mr. Wood. If the comments on CBS's coverage of this story are to be believed (and they shouldn't be), one would think that cops are going around setting suspects on fire with tasers all the damn time for their own amusement. Of course, it doesn't help that CBS also left everything leading up to the altercation completely out of their article. Thanks, CBS, for your diligent reporting!
Malia, on the island of Crete, has apparently become quite the tourist hotspot for Brits on holiday. Unfortunately for one Brit, it got a little too hot. According to Marina Fanouraki, a 26-year-old Greek student, a very drunk Brit tourist whipped out his junk and tried to grope her, so she dumped her Sambuka on him. Understandable, right? Well, she claims that after this happened he tried to light a cigarette and, as most of us are well aware, alcohol and fire don't play well together.
On the other hand, Stuart Feltham, the 20-year-old tourist in question, claims he never even spoke to the girl. In fact, the friend that was with him claims that all Stuart did was bump into her, causing her to go nutzoid and set him ablaze with her lighter.
Either way you look at this, someone went crazy that night. But which one? Unfortunately for those of us following the story, it looks like the assault case against Miss Fanouraki will be postponed until May while he recuperates, his lawyer finds witnesses, and she decides whether or not to sue for sexual harassment. Never fear, faithful crazy readers, we shall be keeping up with this story so that you can be well informed on just which one of these two is actually crazy!
When the Guinness Book of World Records wanted to name him as the World's Most Litigious Person, he sued them, too.
All of these lawsuits are handwritten and, as far as we have found, have either been dismissed by a judge or tossed altogether because he didn't pay the proper filing fees. One judge is apparently so fed up with his lawsuits that in his dismissal, he stated, "Plaintiff's complaint is hereby DISMISSED without prejudice. IT IS FURTHER ORDERED that Plaintiff is henceforth PERMANENTLY ENJOINED from filing any further complaints in this Court except as set forth in this Order. Plaintiff is henceforth PERMANENTLY ENJOINED from filing or attempting to file any new lawsuit in this Court without first obtaining leave of the Court to do so." He has not since filed a lawsuit in the Georgia Northern District Court. He has, however, filed four more lawsuits in other courts.
Don't Poke the Crazy is now on Twitter! If That Feisty Redhead can figure out how to use it, you might just be able to get CRAZY updates. Follow us here!
7 months ago when the story broke about Nadia Sulman having 8 babies, there was much debate raised about fertility treatments and how many is too many.
We don't know about you, but this is what we picture when we hear "Octomom"
Now, there is a woman in Tunisia who claims to be pregnant with 12 babies. That's right. 12. A dozen. All in her uterus. Just in case that didn't blow your mind enough, that's 12 small people growing inside her. We have a friend that lives in a quadraplex. There's more people inside this woman's belly than lives in our friend's building. If you thought Nadia's belly was huge after 8 (search on Google Images for "octomom" yourself - we did that once and that was bad enough!) just imagine what 12 will look like.
And she wants to have a natural birth for all of them.
Now. Let's look at some scientific facts. In mammals, the number of nipples that an animal has indicates the maximum size of a litter, and half that number for the usual amount of babies. As we all should know (and if you didn't, you probably shouldn't admit it), humans have two, so according to nature, the usual amount of bebehs is 1, the max usually being 2. That means this woman is pregnant with 6 times the maximum amount of kids that nature intended her to have.
It's not a contest, people.
UPDATE: Lynn just informed us in the comments that this has already been exposed as a hoax! This article says that the woman claimed she was 9 months pregnant. The implausibility of a woman being able to carry that many fetuses to term notwithstanding, we're pretty sure that the doctors were able to call "bullshit" just looking at her. (Again, we'll let you Google-Image Octomom yourselves)
So, the question remains: Which is crazier - If this had actually been true, or faking being 9 months pregnant with 12 babies?
I think you've gotta be a little crazy to think that having sex with a horse is a good idea. You've gotta be even crazier to sneak onto someone's ranch, rearrange the horse's stall, and have sex - on multiple occasions - with someone else's horse. But if you do all of the above, get caught, put on the sex offender list, sentenced to probation, and then go back to the same ranch to have sex with the same horse two years later, you're off-the-deep-end crazy!
Besides, would you really wanna mess with this woman? (Photo from AP)
Rodell Vereen was undeterred by any such logic or reasoning when he broke into Barbara Kenley's stable and violated her horse, Sugar, even after he'd already been apprehended for the same offense, with the same horse. Ms. Kenley, naturally suspecting the Mr. Vereen (even though the authorities didn't think he'd be that stupid), set up surveillance cameras, capturing the assault on poor Sugar, and then held the guy at gunpoint until the police arrived.
Ms. Kenley, you get approximately eleventy billion awesome points (that includes bonus points for showing admirable restraint by not actually shooting the guy).
And all Mr. Vereen gets is jail time, where, presumably, he'll learn to empathize with Sugar.
I found this article today and since my first reaction was "Woah! That's just crazy!" I decided to share it with the rest of you.
Basically, there have been rumors/urban legends floating around the medical world for a long time about the pain tolerance of redheads, so researchers actually decided to study it. Turns out that it's true - most people who carry the redhead gene have a lower pain tolerance and a higher resistance to anesthesia. Crazy, right? Side note: The anecdote about the redhead getting a root canal is pretty scary!
This article really makes this redhead glad that her hair comes from a bottle - I'm already kind of a wuss! Then again, my grandma is a redhead, so maybe it's all in my genes...
This little gem was brought to my attention today, and while it doesn't fall under the category of "crazy", I knew our readers would highly appreciate the level of snark.
You've heard the conspiracy theories. Big corporations run the world. The media controls what we think. The Jews control... well... everything.* But according to David Icke, there's a secret that all these groups are hiding.
All the people in power are reptilian humanoids.
May or may not be an accurate representation of the lizard people.
That's right. All the world leaders, as well as all the heads of banks and the media, are shape-shifting lizard people.
David Icke, former football player for Coventry City and Hereford United, has devoted his life to book signings and speaking tours in order to warn the people about the impending dangers from these nefarious creatures. According to Icke, famous figures such as George (H.W. and W.) Bush, Queen Elizabeth II, and Kris Kristopherson are all descended from shape-shifting reptiles that landed on Earth eons ago. So far, Obama's been determined to not be a lizard person, but merely a "puppet of the Cabal", and his "Science Czar" is apparently trying to sterilize everyone.
How does he know all this? Well, at a press conference in 1991, he stated "I am a channel for the Christ Spirit. The title was given to me very recently by the Godhead." So obviously, he knows what he's talking about, right? Right???
Jon Ronson of Britain's Channel 4 did a great bit on him called "David Icke, the Lizards, and the Jews", although after somehow forcing myself to sit through the whole thing, I've gotta say that I think Mr. Ronson focused a little too much on the Jew connection. I think it's pretty clear that when David Icke says that 12-foot shape-shifting lizard people rule the world, he really means that 12-foot shape-shifting lizard people rule the world.
Some people say that he's a con-man, or that he's anti-semitic, but really. Watch the video. He's really that nuts.
*Disclaimer: We here at Don't Poke the Crazy do not subscribe to any of these theories. Quite frankly, we doubt that any group is organized or agreeable enough to actually rule the world. Lizard people included. Although we sincerely hope that they do exist, because that would be awesome.
***WARNING*** Before reading any farther, PLEASE NOTE: ***The following blog entry is about Religion**
This site is not here to try and denounce your beliefs or whatever. We're merely here to entertain. We here at Don't Poke the Crazy DO NOT discriminate against ANYONE. We'll make fun of all your religions, regardless of who you are. Cause lets face it, every religious group has their fanatics that even those of the faith want nothing to do with.
With that said, if you are easily offended by pokes at your spirituality, please find something else to do. However, if you're twisted like me, strap yourself in; this is likely to be a LONG post that's a lot of crazy.
I love Conspiracy Theorists. This somewhat small but loud-mouthed group of people have been confusing the world with the unsubstantiated since the dawn of time. Likewise, I love religion! Am I religious? Not in the slightest, but learning the stories and histories behind them can be very interesting. Not to mention the type of control of the masses politicians have wet dreams about. So what happens when you mix conspiracies and religion?
PURE HILARIOUS GOLD.
Welcome to the world of HOLY CRAP! (Yes, pun intended!)
First off, you might notice just how big this utter waste of resources is. One massive page with hundreds of other massive pages linking off of it. Who needs frames or a site map when you can overload the senses of your viewers to the point they just randomly click for hours? It happened to me!
Now, don't think bad of me for posting this in the Crazy. Even several Christians I've shown this to have commented about the amount of bullshit on jesus-is-savior.com that it's literally making the whole internet stink. But there's several things I've found that I'd like to point out. Don't worry, I'll post links so you don't spend hours trying to find it.
One is the Signs of Satan! What do George Bush, Barack Obama, Spider Man, Metallica, and Helen Keller all have in common? They're all Satanist according to this website. Now come on... The deaf-mute girl and the politicians, I can see that. But Metallica?
*stops head-banging* Now then, check out this page. YES, I will agree that there are several things in Washington DC that are pagan oriented. But really, what in this world ISN'T?!? Ever heard of Christmas? I got news for ya kids, December 25th is the date of the PAGAN HOLIDAY YULE! Not the birth of Christ, which many theological researchers agree was really sometime in the spring/summer. And, since the creators of jesus-is-savior.com spent so much time creating imaginary lines, I did a little myself. And look who's in the middle!
BUSTED! It turns out they're really satanist themselves! Explains why they know SO much about it. More so than any other Christian should!
And one final page...hate to tell you, but even if you're Christian you're in trouble....
This comes from one of our readers. Keeping with the delusions of grandeur, I'd like to present Arthur Kade. Where Florence Foster Jenkins had class and dignity, Arthur has head shots and shitty dance moves.
This blog is full of drivel about how important and well-connected in "The Biz" he is, insights about his therapy sessions, and which girls he would fuck (assuming he could get any at all). Apparently, he's been "at the top" so he obviously knows all about women, right? The Kade Scale, which demonstrates the most shallow method possible by which to judge a woman, has to be the most ridiculous thing I've ever seen. Apparently to be a level 10, a woman should be "stripper hot". What the hell does that even mean? And if you're below a nine, you're not even date-worthy. Below a 7? According to Mr. Kade here, you're destined to die friendless and alone.
that Scotch-Irish Bastard: To be honest, I had never heard of him before. But after a quick pole among a few chat rooms and forums, it seems more people know the Scotch-Irish Bastard than know what's-his-name. Does that mean I'm in "the Biz?" That would make a great t-shirt! *copyright*
This is Florence Foster Jenkins, and although she was definitely a little crazy, I really have to give this woman props. She had some serious balls.
All Florence wanted to do was sing. She begged her dad to send her to voice lessons, which he flat-out refused to finance. She ended up getting married and made a bit of cash by teaching and playing the piano. She and her husband (who was also a big fat killjoy on the singing thing) got divorced in 1902, and when her father died in 1909, she took her inheritance and finally began to pursue her passion...
...which most everyone who heard her agreed that she was terrible at. Wikipedia has an audio clip - seriously. She was bad. Nonetheless, she acknowledged and subsequently ignored criticism, blowing it off as "professional jealousy" and even at one point saying, "People may say I can't sing, but no one can ever say I didn't sing." Too true, Florence. Too true.
She gained a following that was both smitten with and amused by her, and in 1944 at the age of 76, she was convinced to perform at Carnegie Hall. You could say the turnout was pretty good for a gal with no pitch, rhythm, or singing talent in general - the concert sold out weeks before the event. A month after the biggest performance of her life, she passed away, presumably with a shit-eating grin on her face. She may have been delusional, but dammit, she was happy!
She's even making a comeback. In 2005, a play called Glorious!opened in London about Florence's life, starring Maureen Lipman as Florence.
With that much delusion and denial, she definitely deserves to be on the crazy list. But damned if I haven't become a little smitten with her myself!
I've recently been introduced to an awesome blog. Like, "Where the hell has this blog been all my life?" kind of awesome. It's called Awkward Family Photos, and today's first entry comes from this site.
Thanksgiving is serious fucking business. Are you confused about how Thanksgiving dinners should be run? Well, Marney is here to the rescue with EXPLICIT INSTRUCTIONS with the important parts typed in ALL CAPS so you'll be sure to see them.
Feel free to speculate in the comments the following subjects:
What Lisa brought last year that indicated that she clearly needed to grow the hell up and start bringing grown up food to family dinners
Just how big that blue serving dish was last year
Why Amy's family is not allowed to bring pie knives
How DARE any member of ANY waitstaff ever forget the CONDIMENTS!
According to Springs131, this is clearly a sign of LAZINESS and is 100% the waiter's fault every single time.
The original post is amazing by itself, but she just keeps coming back for more, even after other members not only point out that she's an infamous troll, but how to find her CRAZY on other forums, too!
~the Bastard: Having been in food service myself, I can honestly say that anyone who bitches at a waiter/waitress needs to step the hell back and think. It's not easy people. Most wait staff are dealing with up to a DOZEN tables at one time, for several hours at a time. Not to mention there's probably 3 different people cooking different parts of your order. Mistakes are going to happen.
If you want 100% food service excellence EVERY time, keep your ass at home and cook your own food. Otherwise, give them a break. /end rant
Don't Poke the Crazy proudly supports wait and kitchen staffs! Especially since we don't want to do it ourselves.
ATTENTION LADIES: Are you a sexy, ambitious, spiritual woman who's looking for the perfect man? Well, we don't have him here. But we do have...
THIS GUY!!
This is Mark. And he knows exactly what he wants. As in, he has written a fucking novel on findingmygoddess.com.
"It is deep, complex, and mind-boggling." Seriously, says so right on his site.
~the Redhead: This website consists of one single page and approximately eleventy billion pictures of our friend Mark, ranging from the goofy to the downright creepy.
This site not only details his perfect woman down to specifications, but also describes his "global vision" which will allegedly brainwash the masses bring peace and love into this God-forsaken world.
For those of you who are curious to his taste in women,
She has a trim waistline. Alternatively, if her waistline is ALMOST (but not quite) trim, she is willing to trim it down for me and keep it trim for me. No exceptions
In other words, fatties need not apply.
~the Bastard: For that matter, if you're not a Quiet minded (ie. stupid), highly religious, meditating, vegetarian super-model/actress and former prostitute, you should probably be running away. Did I mention no TV or pets? And Rock music? Right out the door! On the other hand, most extremist groups will LOVE his views on governments.
Even though his site is "devoted" to finding his perfect woman, it really comes off as nothing more than an outlet for his over inflated ego and life views. Which are...well... see for yourself.
So congratulations Mark, you have officially joined the short list of people I will never accept Koolaid from.
Welcome to Don't Poke the Crazy, your guide to crazy on the internet!
This blog chronicles the domestic adventures (and misadventures) of That Feisty Redhead as well as any crazy we can find on the internet.
When we say crazy, we don't mean the "oh the woecakes that has transpired" type pf crazy. We're talking about the full out nut-fest "leave Britney alone!" kind of thing. Everything from random people with utterly hilarious views of "how things work" to the "HOLY FUCKING HELL that guy just launched his wife from a catapult!" Is that enough quotations for you?
That's how we define crazy: so far out of the realm of normal that it is completely beyond the common understanding of the universe. And considering this is the internet, that's pretty fucked up!
People, pictures, websites, chat rooms, even IM conversations. We don't discriminate. If it's got the crazy, we'll share it with you!
This site was not only inspired by That Scotch-Irish Bastard's uncanny ability to unwittingly engage in the weirdest conversations with some of the craziest women on the web, but also the Rubberneckers group on Ravelry. The Rubberneckers are a group devoted to finding the humor in just about everything, particularly drama and crazy. It was created to laugh at such without actually engaging.
Remember, you can never win against the crazy! The crazy exists on a different plane of reality than the rest of us. So consider this your place to laugh at the crazy instead of engaging it!
If you want to contribute to Don't Poke the Crazy, please email us at dontpokethecrazy@gmail.com and type "CRAZY" in the subject line. Just let us know how you would like to be recognized (i.e "submitted by John D.") or if you'd like it to be anonymous. Unless otherwise specified, we'll just say it came from one of our readers.
We will accept crazy from all over the internet, as well as photos from your own real-life experience with crazy and messaging conversations. If you do submit a convo, please provide a full transcript as well as screenshots from the best parts to verify authenticity. We are also willing to change the usernames to protect the innocent.
This post may be edited in the future to include updates to submission guidelines and whatnot, so keep checking back. Any questions can be submitted to dontpokethecrazy@gmail.com with "Question" in the subject line.
**Regarding images:** All "Don't Poke the Crazy" logos are created by us and owned by us. Use them if you want, as long as you don't claim them as your own, profit directly from them, or hotlink them. We will sometimes insert images not created by us into our entries for (mostly) humorous and (sometimes) informational purposes, usually by doing a Google Image search. If we use an image that belongs to you and you do not want it on our site, please contact us and we will take it down.
Japan has just elected a new prime minister, Yukio Hatoyama, who has been given the nickname "The Alien". That may seem strange at first, until you learn that his wife claims to have been abducted by aliens who took her on a trip to Venus. That nickname seems oddly appropriate now, doesn't it?
Malia, on the island of Crete, has apparently become quite the tourist hotspot for Brits on holiday. Unfortunately for one Brit, it got a little too hot. According to Marina Fanouraki, a 26-year-old Greek student, a very drunk Brit tourist whipped out his junk and tried to grope her, so she dumped her Sambuka on him. Understandable, right? Well, she claims that after this happened he tried to light a cigarette and, as most of us are well aware, alcohol and fire don't play well together.
On the other hand, Stuart Feltham, the 20-year-old tourist in question, claims he never even spoke to the girl. In fact, the friend that was with him claims that all Stuart did was bump into her, causing her to go nutzoid and set him ablaze with her lighter.
Meet Jonathan Lee Riches© (seriously, he puts the copyright symbol after his name). Mr. Riches is currently in federal prison after pleading guilty to wire fraud charges. Mr. Riches is also either incredibly bored or completely nuts, as he has filed hundreds (some think even thousands) of lawsuits against various people, corporate entities, laws, and even phone numbers. Some of his defendants include politicians (i.e. George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Hillary Clinton), actors (i.e. Reese Witherspoon, Ben Affleck, and Tom Cruise), music artists (i.e. Timbaland, Beyonce Knowles, and Paul McCartney), governments no longer in existence (i.e. Adolf Hitler's National Socialist Party and Ming Dynasty), and phone numbers (202-456-1414 and 843-387-9400 - please note that the second phone number is listed as a contact for Mr. Riches on the lawsuit against the first phone number).
BUSTED! It turns out they're really satanist themselves! Explains why they know SO much about it. More so than any other Christian should!
opened in London about Florence's life, starring Maureen Lipman as Florence.
